Peace cannot be borrowed

We often believe that happiness is something others can give us – a kind word from a partner, a heart emoji from a friend, a “like” on Instagram, or a glowing performance review from a manager. Yes, these things can lift our mood. But notice how fleeting that joy is. Within hours – sometimes minutes – the warmth fades, and we’re back to scrolling, checking, refreshing, waiting for the next dose of validation.

This is not peace. It is restlessness dressed up as happiness.

The Trap of External Validation

The subtle trap is this: the very people and things that give us joy also have the power to take it away.

You post a picture, it gets likes, and you feel great – until the next post gets fewer likes, and suddenly the high is gone. You share a win on LinkedIn, bask in the comments, but a week later you see someone else’s promotion and feel behind.

When your boss praises you in a meeting, you feel proud. But the next time, when the praise doesn’t come, you wonder if you did something wrong. You work harder, trying to please them, hoping for that recognition again. Or when your friend replies instantly one day but takes hours the next, you feel ignored.

Slowly, we start tailoring our behavior not out of freedom, but out of fear – fear of losing approval, fear of disconnection, fear of being misunderstood. We adjust what we say, how we act, even what we dream about, all to keep others happy.

This is the cycle: we wait, we hope, we refresh – running on a treadmill that never stops.

Every time we do this, we hand over the keys to our joy. Our happiness becomes conditional – renewed only when someone else decides we are worthy.

We forget that people are just people like us. They are not praising or loving machines that respond on command, giving us what we want at the push of a button. By depending on others for our happiness, we place ourselves at the mercy of their minds. We will only be happy if they are willing to see us happy.

Freedom begins the moment we stop outsourcing our peace to the moods, opinions, and timelines of others.

It begins when we remember that our worth is not up for auction. Our joy does not need permission to exist.

The Illusion of Control

This isn’t just about happiness – it shapes how we deal with conflict, too.

We think harmony will come if we just explain ourselves well enough, send the perfectly worded message, or do exactly what the other person wants. But whether someone chooses to understand us depends entirely on where their mind is – not on how perfect we are.

In a world of unread emails, missed calls, and notifications, misunderstanding is almost inevitable. If our inner state is fragile, we will find ourselves tossed around, one argument away from feeling broken.

The Real Source of Peace

True peace is not a gift waiting in someone else’s pocket. It does not come from a promotion, a romantic partner, or a perfectly curated day.

Peace is born from knowledge and stillness.

Knowledge that reminds us of what is real – that we are not incomplete, that we do not need external proof of our worth.

Stillness that stops the endless scrolling, comparing, chasing.

When the mind is still, unshakable joy reveals itself – untouched by praise or silence, by what happens or fails to happen.

Choosing Stillness in Today’s World

In the chaos of 24/7 notifications and global news, stillness can feel impossible. But it can be chosen – in small moments:

• Turn off your phone for an hour and sit quietly with your thoughts.
• Take a slow, deep breath before responding to a triggering message.
• Choose to let go of the urge to check who viewed your story.
• Meditate for five minutes a day to remind your mind who is in charge.

These are not passive acts. They are acts of power.

The Real Question

So the question is not “Who will give me peace?”

The real question is: “When will I stop outsourcing my joy and allow my mind to be still enough to discover the peace that was already mine?”

Peace is not a reward to be earned.

It is not given by the world but remembered by the soul.

It is the eternal flame inside you, steady and quiet, simply waiting for you to turn toward its warmth.