The Nature of Impermanence

Impermanence is something that needs to be truly and deeply established within us. It is not a lesson to be learned once. It is a truth to be lived, again and again. Without it, we get caught in the tides of others – their words and silences, their moods and judgements and our own reactions to them.

Understanding impermanence doesn’t mean we withdraw from life or shrug and say, ‘Nothing is permanent anyway.‘ It is to stand still and stay awake while everything moves. It is about staying aware in every moment – to see the constant flow of change within ourselves and others. It is to let others be – to give them space, to grow, to change, to become who they are meant to be.

Everyone has a purpose on this planet.

We are here – not only to experience the beauty of life, but also to discover our true purpose. For that reason, things will happen: things that bring wisdom, and things that challenge our attachments. And they will keep happening until we draw the understanding we are meant to grasp from them.

Sometimes life passes by without our awareness. We move through days on autopilot, unconscious of what is happening within us and around us. This lack of awareness leads us to take others for granted, to fall into the traps of judgement, and to miss the lessons that life is trying to teach us.

Separation, Change, and Imbalance

Often breakups and separations – whether temporary or permanent – are seen as sad events. People feel sorry for those who part ways, or they resent them and label them as intolerant, impatient, or failures. Yet they rarely pause to see how fragile their own relationships are.

We think we are at peace, but often it is only because no one has pressed our wrong buttons yet. The moment they do, that peace shatters, and the urge for distance or freedom quickly arises – we want to run away from the situation, or from the person.

At times we too can be flawed: self-centered, ungiving, uncaring, unloving. Life may still feel perfect to us, simply because we are getting what we want. But beneath that comfort, we forget what truly sustains us: the quiet acceptance, the unconditional giving and forgiving, the commitment and care of those who walk beside us – our family, our friends, our teachers, our guides.

People love and care for us – not necessarily because we are deserving, but because it is their nature to love and care. When we take that nature for granted, sooner or later, they may drift away.

Nothing in life is permanent. Yet many relationships end long before their natural time. They are fragile not because life changes, but because of how we behave in the face of change.

The fading of connection usually begins with imbalance – when blessings are taken for granted, when expectations are not met, when care is overlooked, or when there is an unwillingness to accept the other person’s desires and flaws, or when attachments to money, power, achievements, or the craving for recognition and approval take over.

Sometimes it comes from boredom, or from the craving for excitement and newness. At other times it arises from silence – when silence is misinterpreted. Sometimes it feels like fate, but in reality, life is revealing lessons we have not yet grown enough to recognize.

In the end, harmony and freedom arise only through acceptance and letting go – whether it is letting go of a person, or simply letting go of our expectations.

Respect and Commitment

I feel that relationships must be respected, and there must be a commitment to stand through time. Perhaps that is why, in marriages, couples make promises like ‘to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, till death do us part.’ Best friends too often say to each other, ‘best friends forever, no matter what’. These vows come from a deep knowing – that love and emotions alone are not enough to hold people together.

Emotions – desires, passions and even love can change over time. It is not love alone that keeps a relationship alive, but the silent companions that walk beside it – commitment, respect, honesty, patience, trust, compassion, gratitude, and forgiveness. And above all, wisdom – for without wisdom, even the noblest qualities lose their balance. In a world of impermanence, these are the threads that hold relationships together.

The same holds true in other areas of life. Even in employment, people value commitment. Employers look for candidates who have stayed longer in a job, who show they can persist and grow with one place. Just like in relationships, it is not fleeting excitement but consistency that earns trust.

How We Treat Family and Outsiders

Sometimes, I feel we are unfair to those in our own home, while putting on our best behavior for outsiders.

We act tolerant and generous at a party, offering help or cooking a meal – not out of love, but for applause. We want to be liked or praised, or to be seen as generous, even if the gesture is not sincere.

We say, “Can I help?” in public not because we truly want to help, but because we want approval. Yet at home, we often cannot offer the same care to our spouse or parents, where it matters most. At home, we refuse to cook for our own family because it doesn’t give the same thrill of recognition.

In other cases, it is the reverse – people become overly attached and protective of their family that they cannot extend even basic compassion to an outsider. Both are extremes.

Whenever you are “nice,” observe the intent. Are you expecting praise, acknowledgment, or something in return?

And when you are selfish, pause and ask, is it only because the other is not your friend or family?

Recognize your weakness. Then slowly flip your reactions. Be kind where you have been careless, and be neutral where you have been partial. Allow the transition to happen gradually. Let expectations subside.

Let us learn to treat both close ones and outsiders with honesty and fairness. Let our feverishness not dilute our values of compassion and empathy. For if we fail to realize and change this, relationships may fade, or remain only as empty shells – alive in form, but dead in spirit.

Unconditional Love and Letting Go

People often speak of unconditional love. But what worth is unconditional giving – knowing that nothing is permanent? What worth is it when showed to someone who does not even need it?

Good and bad, warmth and coldness, closeness and distance – all move in cycles. Sometimes our loved ones are kind and caring. At other times, they feel distant, heartless, or unavailable. This is all part of impermanence.

Many times we are illusioned that we are giving or loving “unconditionally.” We fail to notice that behind every act of giving – there is subtle hope – at the very least, that it will be valued. But there is no guarantee it will be recognized or valued. Forget reciprocation – that is far too much expectation.

Do people really need your unconditional love? You want “what they want”! Forget about others – how long can you keep giving or loving unconditionally?

I think that unconditional love is not about endlessly giving to others foolishly. It is about living and acting in ways that uplift you and others – without expectation. It is in your thoughts, your actions, your very being, untouched by others’ behavior or by events. Unconditional love is not a performance. It is your very nature.

At some point, unconditional love leads you to a state where you are at the center of the universe, with no expectations from anyone. And then you realize: even the “me” that once complained, the “me” that longed for unchanging relationships, also changes. Because nature wants you to.

That is why promises become fragile in the light of impermanence. You cannot truly say, “I will always feel the same,” or “I will always act the same,” because both you and the other are changing every moment. The only promise that holds is the promise to stay aware, to honor truth as it unfolds, and to wish the highest good for one another – even if that means walking apart.

And so, when someone says, ‘I want to be free from you’ – no matter what the relationship is – can you give them that freedom without complaint?

And when someone says, ‘we will always be together and happy’ – with what wisdom and respect will your honor it?